UKTV Channel Gold – Top 20 Modern Christmas Jokes

Got to love a good Competition. Gold challenged people in its annual competition to create the best Christmas Joke.  All 20 Jokes are written below.

About

Gold challenged the British public to tweet original festive jokes in this annual competition. Entries were then shortlisted by a panel of judges which was led by comedy critic Bruce Dessau, then it was put to an anonymous public vote of 2,000 British adults. 

The annual joke competition celebrates Gold’s seasonal TV scheduling, which includes classic festive episodes of Britain’s best loved comedies such as Only Fools and HorsesThe Royle Family and Mrs Brown’s Boys. 

The Competition led to a mixture of political, Covid, kids and adult themed jokes.  As always with jokes – some can be cringe but all in the name of good humour.

 

The Jokes

1.       What is Dominic Cummings’ favourite Christmas song? Driving Home for Christmas 

2.       Did you hear that production was down at Santa’s workshop? Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate! 

3.       Why didn’t Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem? All Virgin flights were cancelled 

4.       Why are Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve? They have herd immunity  

5.       Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown? Because the “Arrrr!” rate had risen 

6.       Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto? Because eventually, it’s behind you 

7.       Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph join their work conference call? Because there was no Zoom at the inn 

8.       Why can’t Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute? He doesn’t know how many tiers it should have 

9.       What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner? They put on a super spread 

10.   Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time?  Home Alone  

11.   How do you play Dominic Cummings Monopoly? Ignore the rules, move anywhere on the board you like, and never Go To Jail 

12.   Why won’t Santa lose any presents this year? He’s downloaded Sack and Trace 

13.   How is the pandemic like my stomach after Christmas? It’ll take ages to flatten the curve 

14.   How is Prince Andrew coping with the stresses of Christmas this year? Fine. No sweat  

15.   Why wasn’t Rudolph allowed to take part in vaccine trials? Because they only wanted guinea pigs 

16.   Which government scheme supports Christmas dinner? Eat Sprout To Help Out  

17.   How can you get out of talking to your boss at this year’s staff Christmas party? Put him on mute 

18.   How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited? He keeps a logbook 

19.   Who dresses in red and gives to the children this Christmas? Marcus Rashford 

20.   Why did Mary and Joseph have to travel to Bethlehem? Because they couldn’t book a home delivery 

 

The Winning Joke

The author of the winning joke about Dominic Cummings was by Craig from Manchester. He received the top prize of £1,500 towards a holiday and a box of bespoke Gold Christmas Crackers, one of which will contain his own winning gag.  

Congrats to him. We loved all the jokes in this competition.

All the jokes voted on by the 2,000 British public are original content to the best of Gold’s knowledge. 

 

For More Info

About Gold 

The Channel’s aim is to celebrating the best of British comedy, Gold is the nation’s favourite comedy channel. 

It has much-loved comedy series from UK classic past. Ranging from Only Fools and Horses, The Royle Family, Dad’s Army and other classic series.

They do not just look to the past, they put new life into the shows with retrospective shows. Saluting Dad’s Army, Dinnerladies Diaries and How The Young Ones Changed Comedy, to the feature length comedy capers Murder on the Blackpool Express and Death on the Tyne.

One thing we loved to see is the classic show Dad’s Army lost some recording of the original show. UKTV (the owners of Gold) commissioned an exclusive remake of those episodes to Gold. This keeps it true to form for Gold’s aim.

Available on UK Television on Channels – Sky 110(HD)/ 810, Virgin 120/124(HD), BT and TalkTalk 310 On demand on Sky, Now TV and TalkTalk 

Their Website Link – Gold.uktv.co.uk/  Twitter Page @goldchannel